Average Andy Becomes Ellen’s Handyman

I have a question
for you, tWitch. Do you have like home
repairs that you and Allison have done in the past time
that we've been quarantined? You know what? In these past couple of
days, actually, Allison has gone like ham
on organization. Like, yo, the Container Store? You're welcome, because
we hit y'all up crazy. And things are just a lot
more organized right now. It's kind of amazing. But home repairs, like no. You don't want me with
no hammer or screwdriver. Not me. No? No? No. Andy, what about you? Have you broken
anything at your house that your wife
wanted you to fix? You know, I've broken
a lot of things and I've tried to
build a lot of things.

And now, we're at the
point in the marriage where my wife begs me to not
try and fix it or not try and do it myself. Yeah. And hire someone. Yeah. Because she thinks
I make things worse. Yeah. But see, now you
can't hire anybody. I know. That's the problem. Yeah. I ordered a bookcase and it's
been laying around for months that I was actually going
to hire someone to do, but I would like you
to do it because you've got nothing else to do. I put it out there. Do you see the box? In the house? No, it's outside.

I put the box out there. I see it now. Yeah. You didn't see that earlier? No. Well, they start the show and
then somebody does this to me. Yeah. That's Portia. So you are going to be my
average Andy Handy Man. Get it? My Andy Man. Handy. Average Andy Handy Man. Andy Man. OK. The directions should be there,
unless the coyotes got to them. Have you put together
a bookcase before? Maybe, no. OK. This is not. Open it up. Grab your nuts and your bolts
and screw them in real tight. All right? You know the difference between
the nuts and the bolts, right? Yes, I do, Ellen.

OK. Get to work. I need that bookcase
to set my LEGOs on. While Andy gets
busy back there, I want to talk about something
I've noticed recently. Some people are finding
interesting ways to protect themselves. And when they go
out in public, they call it social
distancing fashion. I'll show you what I'm
talking about here. This is what one person
wore to a grocery store. Take a look at this, tWitch. All right. They were looking
for bread, milk, and a sunken treasure is
what they were looking for. Here is a– boy,
you're breathing heavy just opening the box.

andy building

I mean, I'm telling you,
this is not a one person job. Oh. It said it is. Here's another person. This is what they wore
to protect themselves. Yep, got to the cashier. And the cashier said, pony up. [HORN HONKING] Uh-oh. [DRUMS THUDDING]
That's what I wanted. I've been home too long. Andy, you know
what a unicorn is? Yeah. It's a– It's with the thing that– Yeah. It's a horny horse. All right. Here's another winner. You can't talk to me now. I got to focus. There's a guy. Can you imagine sitting
behind him in a movie? Ah, remember when we
could go to the movies? Here's another one.

Look at that. tWitch, it's like he was
in a big plastic bubble and then it popped or something. That's what that person wore
out to protect themselves. And here's the last one. That's called a maski pad. Nobody steal that. That's mine. I'm going to trademark it. Maski pad. See, that's why it's
important to stay inside. You don't want to see
anything like that. That mask is strong enough for
a man, but made for a woman. If you see someone who's got
good social distancing fashion, please send it to me. Andy. Yeah. How's it going? I'm just getting a sense
of what I have here for me.

Do you want Mop
Mary to help you? Mop Mary is here. Send out Mop Mary. All right. Hang on. Don't talk now. I've got to– Don't worry if you can't do it. Only millions and millions of
people will see you not do it.

As found on YouTube

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