“Russians” | Russell Peters – Almost Famous

Now you grew up in Poland, when did you move to Canada? In… '82. '82, so when you grew up in Poland, uh…were you learning… were they speaking Russian back then? I had to take… You had to take Russian, right? Yeah, I knew that, right? So you speak Russian or understand it to a certain degree? Yeah, I just learned how to say 'how are you?' in Russian, that's why. You know how to say "how are you' in Russian, Vince? 'Cock dealer'.

(как дела) (Audience laughs) (Chuckles) Yes, I swear! There's a Russian guy watching.. he goes, 'Hey, cock dealer!' I go, 'Heyeyeyey, man. I don't give a shit if you're a blackjack dealer, alright? Come around here offering me and all that. If you find 'Vag dealer', send her over!' I like listening to people speak Russian. You ever heard people speak Russian? It's amazing. They just sound like they're talking backwards the whole time. Vladimir (Imitates Russian) (Presenting Russel Peters, the only one who can make speaking backwards funny) (Or maybe he's just speaking nonsense.) …Blyat! That's a real swear word in Russian, 'Blyat!' It's almost like they didn't have a swear word and some guy drank too much vodka one night. 'Boris, How do you feel?' 'Blyat!' 'It feels "Blyat!"' Are there any Russian people here? Alright, where are ya? You Russian, bro? What's your name? What, Anand? Omar…


…Jamal… Where's your… Where're you from, Anand? Your parents are from… Uzbekistan, oh yeah, that makes more sense, yeah. Okay, so yeah, you're… you're Russian. You speak Russian? Nice. Well, maybe you can clear this up for me. Last summer, I had to do some plumbing work on my house in Los Angeles, and I hired these two Russian plumbers. Great guys. First, let me just say this. They were great guys, they were reasonably priced, they were on time, they were tidy… … they did good work, and they never gave me any problems, they were respectful… But… Every day when they would come to work, they would call me by my last name, and then giggle like little kids.

Good morning, Mr. Peter Hueueueueueueueueueueueueueue I'm like, 'It's Peters. Mr. Peters.' 'Okay, PETER!' AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA 'You know, why dont you just call me Russell?' 'Okay, Russell PETER!' AHAHAHAHAHAHA And I'm like, 'What the fuck are they laughing at?' So I called one of my Russian friends. I'm like, 'Yo, every day these guys come to the house, they call me by my last name and then they giggle.' 'What are they saying?' 'Mr. PETER.' And then he was like, 'Hahahahahahahahaha!' 'That's messed up man.' I go, 'Why?' 'Yeah, your last name, in Russian, it means "faggot".' 'Like, do you mean gay?' 'No.' 'Homosexual?' 'No, faggot!' 'Mr. PETER…' HUEHUEHUEHUEHUEHUE Seems your pipes are blocked my schedule bit….. PETER!' HUEHUEHUEHUEHUEHUEHUEHUEHUE.

As found on YouTube

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