Questions? Text us.

Alex and The Handyman | full film

(light piano music) (humming) – I'm so happy we can
make time to do this. Yeah. (laughs loudly) Oh my God. Oh my God, that is so funny, Jonathan. (laughing) You are so funny. You know, I actually heard the fun … (thunk) (ripping) (bashing) Mom, do we have any duct tape? (loud footsteps) Mom! – [Mom] (mumbles) section on feng shui. – No, sure.
– And I like to watch infomercials late at night, and a couple of nights ago,
I found this bookshelf, but I don't really know
how to assemble it. I looked at the instructions.
(door creaks) Oh. (laughs nervously) Hi, Alex. Oh, (laughs) sorry. This is Jared, Mrs. Duke's son. (laughs nervously) He's gonna be working here around the house
for the next three days, or until your father
reappears. (laughs nervously) – Hey. (loud footsteps) – Okay. (laughs nervously) (light piano music) – Hey, Jared!
(Jared coughs) – Hey. Need something? – What? Oh, no. So, Jared, I was wondering, like, what TV shows are you into? – Don't watch TV.

– Oh. Okay. Well, do you like movies? – Some. – That's awesome. Have you ever seen The First Wives Club? – No. – Oh. Oh, okay. Well, I think you would really love it because it's full of exciting things and drama, and I think you would
really appreciate it. Like, there's this one
scene where they're all angrily confronting each other, and Bette Midler slaps
Goldie Hawn in the face and then Goldie Hawn throws
her Golden Globe Award right at Bette Midler, and then Diane Keaton
just finally screams, (screams loudly) "You're
both selfish assholes!" Stupid, stupid, stupid. (sighs heavily) (clickety clack) (loud rumbling) (rumbling and squeaking) Oh, hey, Jared. – Hey. – I was about to have my snack
and I was wondering if you wanted to have it with me? We have a lot of assorted
meats and cheeses. – Gotta work, sorry. – We also have whiskey. (light piano music) (crunching) – Not gonna eat anything? – No, thank you.

I'm dieting. – Sure your mom won't be pissed? – What, oh, no. She always takes like a three hour nap in the afternoon and takes a bunch of Ambien beforehand, so we're fine. So, Jared, have you always been
passionate about handy work? – Nah, I fuckin' hate it. I'm just trying to get some money together so I can get back to New York. – Wait, New York, like New York City? Oh my God, so, like Sex and the City? – No. – Oh. Well, what did you do there? – I'm a performance artist. – No way, really? Like singing and dancing and stuff? – Nah, mainly I create devised happenings about public health crises. – Oh, okay. So, what was your last play about? – It was an exploration
of the marginalization of Brazilian women in
regards to sexual health. – Right. Okay, cool. So, are you a fan of comedy? I heard the funniest joke last week. What musical instrument
is found in the bathroom? A tuba toothpaste. (laughs) – He disappeared. He's left. No. (sighs) No, and I'm not going to
be gluten-free anymore.

I'm not, can't do it. If I'm being completely
honest, I hope he's dead. Hold on a second. Yeah, sweetie? – Mom, what do you do when you love somebody but they don't love you back? – Oh, sweetie. I'm drunk. – Okay, goodnight. Hey. – Hey. – I just … I wanted … I have something for you. (clears throat) Dear Jared, it's Alex. So, I just wanted to write
you a letter to say goodbye and to apologize for being so dismissive when you brought up the
women of Brazil yesterday. (sniffs loudly) Since then,
I've done a lot of Googling about all they've been
through to get healthcare and it's clear I was way out of line. I don't know if we'll ever see
each other again after today, so I was hoping if I could
show you my room before you go. Ever since my twin died
in that fire last year, this house has just felt really empty, and I think you seem
like a really cool guy, and you have nice hair, and I feel like there's
a lot of things that we could talk about,
slash, have in common, like we both have hazel eyes and we're both white.


And I think your art sounds really cool, no matter what anyone else in
New York says. (sniffs loudly) In conclusion, I'd really
like to be your friend, so I hope you'll consider it. Also, I found a bottle of
tequila in my mom's shoe closet. Sincerely, Alex van Winkel. So. So, anyway. (sighs heavily) – Hey. – So, this is Esther. She's been divorced for three years, or as the women of Brazil
would call it, divorciado. (Jared laughs)
And this is Angelo. He's a diabetic, or as the
women of Brazil would call it, diabetico. – Cool. Listen, you don't have to
keep talking in Spanish. They don't even speak that in Brazil. Just keep telling me about 'em. – Okay. So, this is Christie. She's Esther's mother. Esther was very sad that Angelo left her, even though their kid would
have had diabetes issue, because he couldn't eat cookies
or anything for Christmas. (light piano music) (whispering) I don't want us
to ever get into a relationship where we lie to each other.

(light piano music) (whispering) I put Ambien in the tequila. (whispering) Also, I never had a twin. (light piano music) (laughs loudly) I'm so happy we can make time to do this. Ah, thanks for noticing. Just situps and pushups mostly. – Alex, sweetie, did you take my … – He … He touched me! (muffled talking on CB radio)
(sirens wailing) (muffled mumbling) (loud sirens wailing) I'm sorry. Shut up. – To zen, rake the rocks. The leaves, leaves, and put them in the bag. Okay? – Si, signora. – Okay. Okay. – Hola. Me llamo Alex. – Gracias. Me llamo Carlos. – Hey, have you ever seen the
movie The First Wives Club? – (chuckles) Sí.

(light piano music) – Oh my God. That's amazing. My favorite scene is
where they're all angrily confronting each other, and Bette Midler's screaming,
"Oh, I just have a little child to raise.
(Carlos laughs) "What do you have to raise, a little Marilyn Monroe picture?" (Carlos chuckles)
And throws it at the picture, and Goldie Hawn, she's like, (yelling) "Are you crazy, woman!" (Carlos laughs loudly) (light piano music) (moves into cheerful piano music).

As found on YouTube

Leave a Reply